Scientic jokes

HarryM1BYT · 29th December 2013, 11:25

■ They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

■ A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"

■ Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the other… eh? Hang on…

■ A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're – on average - very comfortable.

■ At a party for functions, ex is at the bar looking despondent. The barman says: "Why don't you go and integrate?" To which ex replies: "It would not make any difference."

■ There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

■ The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals, and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants. Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw. "What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!" "Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."

■ A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptised. She kept the other as a control.

Sprinter · 29th December 2013, 12:30

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

29th December 2013, 11:25	#1
HarryM1BYT This is my second home 75 Contemporary SE Mk II 2004 Man. Sal. CDTi 135ps, FBH on red diesel, WinCE6 DD Join Date: May 2010 Location: Leeds Posts: 17,273 Thanks: 2,160 Thanked 2,061 Times in 1,586 Posts	Scientic jokes ■ They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes. ■ A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?" ■ Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the other… eh? Hang on… ■ A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're – on average - very comfortable. ■ At a party for functions, ex is at the bar looking despondent. The barman says: "Why don't you go and integrate?" To which ex replies: "It would not make any difference." ■ There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't. ■ The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals, and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants. Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw. "What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!" "Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs." ■ A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptised. She kept the other as a control. __________________ Harry How To's and items I offer for free, or just to cover the cost of my expenses... http://www.the75andztclub.co.uk/foru...40#post1764540 Fix a poor handbrake; DIY ABS diagnostic unit; Loan of the spanner needed to change the CDT belts; free OBD diagnostics +MAF; Correct Bosch MAF cheap; DVB-T install in an ex-hi-line system; DD install with a HK amp; FBH servicing. I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

29th December 2013, 12:30	#2
Sprinter Posted a thing or two Jag S-Type 4.2 V8 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Derby Posts: 1,645 Thanks: 271 Thanked 427 Times in 293 Posts	The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant. __________________ “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”