Cat Diary

GreyGhost · 1st November 2006, 11:46

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of
the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this
on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan .

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I
was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole
speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Keith · 3rd November 2006, 11:28

Amazing whilst reading that there was a flurry of activity down stairs

Spotty dog is in full Gait after next doors moggy across the field.

Cat is losing
Cat is definitely losing

Spotty dog has gone up a gear
Cat is not going to make it

Coward, Cats have Vertical take off!

Spotty dog is confused
Cat is relieved

Next time it may be different, next doors cat needs to learn to run faster

Christopher · 3rd November 2006, 17:04

Mick - you must have one of my cats' diaries (1 out of 5), he did the exact sequence of events listed in the diary, please send it back, I need it as evidence ....

GreyGhost · 3rd November 2006, 17:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christopher

Mick - you must have one of my cats' diaries (1 out of 5), he did the exact sequence of events listed in the diary, please send it back, I need it as evidence ....

You'll be needing one of these Chris

DPA · 5th November 2006, 12:49

How did you make that diary?

i like it very much I'm keith's son. I just started.

GreyGhost · 5th November 2006, 14:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by DPA

How did you make that diary?

i like it very much I'm keith's son. I just started.

I didn't make it, it was written by a cat and smuggled out by the postman when the dog and the bird were busy eating their dinners.

1st November 2006, 11:46	#1
GreyGhost Banned 180+ Sport Auto Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bedford Middle Level Posts: 17,787 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 5 Posts	Cat Diary DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again). DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan . DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

3rd November 2006, 17:04	#3
Christopher Owners Club Director Rover 75 V6 Copperleaf Red, MG ZTT 190+ Lagoon & Early MGF Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Rugby Posts: 9,287 Thanks: 105 Thanked 343 Times in 81 Posts	Mick - you must have one of my cats' diaries (1 out of 5), he did the exact sequence of events listed in the diary, please send it back, I need it as evidence .... __________________ Christopher in banana veritas

3rd November 2006, 11:28	#2
Keith This is my second home ZT400 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Ellesmere Posts: 5,948 Thanks: 0 Thanked 43 Times in 29 Posts	Amazing whilst reading that there was a flurry of activity down stairs Spotty dog is in full Gait after next doors moggy across the field. Cat is losing Cat is definitely losing Spotty dog has gone up a gear Cat is not going to make it Coward, Cats have Vertical take off! Spotty dog is confused Cat is relieved Next time it may be different, next doors cat needs to learn to run faster

5th November 2006, 12:49	#5
DPA Newbie None Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 5 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	How did you make that diary? i like it very much I'm keith's son. I just started.