It just HAS to be true .....

[reworht]

AIM:
Make the woman happy. Do something she LIKES, and you get points.
Do something she DISLIKES - and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.

Here's a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .................................................. .................................. +1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................................ -1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................ ....................... -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty...................................... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex......................... -1
You go out to buy her extra-light pantie liners with wings......................... +5
in the snow.............................................. ........................................ +8
but return with beer.............................................. ........................... -5
and no liners............................................ ....................................... -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night............................................. ... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing................................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.............................. +5
You smash it with a cricket bat............................................... ................... +10
It's her cat............................................... .................................................. . -40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening........................................... ......... 0
You stay by her side for a bit, then chat with a mate from the pub........... -2
Called Tiffany........................................... ....................................... -4
Who is a lap dancer............................................ ............................ -10
With breast implants.......................................... ............................. -18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.......................................... ............................. 0
You buy a card and flowers........................................... ............................ 0
You take her out to dinner............................................ ............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's NOT a sports bar................................ +1
Ok, it IS a sports bar............................................... .................................... -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night............................................. ......................... -3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and
your face is painted the colours of your favourite team................... -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate.............................................. ............................................. 0
The mate is happily married........................................... ............................ +1
The mate is single............................................ .......................................... -7
He drives a Ferrari........................................... .......................................... -10
With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........................................ -15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film.............................................. .......................... +2
You take her to a see a film she likes............................................. ............ +4
You take her to a see a film you hate.............................................. ........... +6
You take her to a see a film you like.............................................. ............. -2
It's called Death Cop III............................................... ................................ -3
Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans............................................ ................ -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans............................... -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly............................................. ............... -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.................... +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and
resort to loose jeans and baggy shirts............................................ -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."....................................... -800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding........................................ ................................ -10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... ....................................... -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your bottom"........................................... ........ -100
Any other response.......................................... ......................................... -20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression........................................ .... 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................... ....................... +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....................... +50
You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".......................................... -100
You have fallen asleep............................................ ............................... -200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.............................................. .................................................. ... -100
You don't talk.............................................. ............................................ -150
You spend time with her............................................... .......................... -200
You don't spend time with her............................................... .................. -500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself................. GAME OVER - YOU LOSE !