2017 is here and I'll get us started.

FLYING BANANA · 1st January 2017, 11:29

Just a few to get us going:

1. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

2. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

3. Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

4. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

5. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

6. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid then I was petrified.

7. The wife has been missing for a week now. Today, police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

8. A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

9. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"

10. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70. "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."

11. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

12. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

13. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

14. I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked on the side of the road. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."

15. I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.

Bertiegrey · 1st January 2017, 14:38

Happy new year Bob finally made it onto the forum at last ,see you in Newguay if not before kind regards Nathan and Emma.

1st January 2017, 11:29	#1
FLYING BANANA Moderator/Club Shop MG ZT 1.8t+. No.3 of 4 in Sunspot Yellow & Ford Fiesta in Black. Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Rattler Farm Posts: 22,564 Thanks: 9,270 Thanked 15,645 Times in 6,806 Posts	2017 is here and I'll get us started. Just a few to get us going: 1. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. 2. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. 3. Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" 4. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. 5. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. 6. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid then I was petrified. 7. The wife has been missing for a week now. Today, police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. 8. A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time. 9. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!" 10. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70. "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web." 11. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. 12. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. 13. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. 14. I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked on the side of the road. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown." 15. I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary. __________________ 233,431. That’s our second meet done, no.3 next weekend. onen hag oll

1st January 2017, 14:38	#2
Bertiegrey Newbie Rover 75 Join Date: Dec 2016 Location: newton abbot Posts: 17 Thanks: 0 Thanked 28 Times in 14 Posts	Happy new year Bob finally made it onto the forum at last ,see you in Newguay if not before kind regards Nathan and Emma.