Brum's Joke Book - Page 23

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 17:49

Two Georgia football players are taking a college exam. If they fail they will not be allowed to play in next week's big game.

The exam is fill-in-the-blank. The last question reads, "Old MacDonald had a ______."

Well, Bubba is stumped. He has no idea what the answer might be. He knows he needs to get this one right to be sure he passes. So, Bubba looks around to make sure the professor isn't watching and then taps Jethro on the shoulder. "Psst! Jethro. What's the answer to the last question?"

Jethro laughs. He looks around to make sure they isn’t watchin and then Jethro turns to Bubba and says, "Bubba, man you're so stupid. Everybody knows that Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Ohhhh," says Bubba. "I remember." So, Bubba starts filling in the blank, but stops. He again reaches over and taps Jethro’s shoulder and whispers, "Hey, how do you spell farm?"

"Man Bubba, you really are brainless. Duh? That's EASY! Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 17:57

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

"Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".

"Today and Tomorrow," she replied.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her friends were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was overjoyed. "It went great! first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 18:00

A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer.

Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?"

St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 18:16

A man visiting a cemetery heard a second man who was kneeling at a nearby grave crying-out loudly, "Why did you have to die?!!? Why did you have to die?!!?" The first man was so moved by the other man's obvious pain that he walked over and lightly placed a comforting hand on the distraught man's shoulder and asked him, "Is this your wife?" "No", replied the weeping man. "Her first husband!"

pjwed · 8th July 2008, 18:20

Is Brum 29 the resident joker

pj

:lol::lol::lol:

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 18:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by pjwed

Is Brum 29 the resident joker

pj

:lol::lol::lol:

No I'm not, they make me do, if I don't they said I would be banned. Thinking about it not a bad idea that mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

pjwed · 8th July 2008, 18:29

Keep it up m8 laughter makes the world go round.

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 18:48

HI, ITS REALLY HOT HERE SO BE AWARE OF - Sunburn
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was
promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs. '

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 19:21

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

brum29 · 8th July 2008, 19:38

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme constantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 0800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

Pay for your dinner with coins.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Name your dog "Dog."

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the biscuit parts back in the tray.

Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Sit in your front garden pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of November.

Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

8th July 2008, 17:49	#221
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Redneck Exam Paper Two Georgia football players are taking a college exam. If they fail they will not be allowed to play in next week's big game. The exam is fill-in-the-blank. The last question reads, "Old MacDonald had a ______." Well, Bubba is stumped. He has no idea what the answer might be. He knows he needs to get this one right to be sure he passes. So, Bubba looks around to make sure the professor isn't watching and then taps Jethro on the shoulder. "Psst! Jethro. What's the answer to the last question?" Jethro laughs. He looks around to make sure they isn’t watchin and then Jethro turns to Bubba and says, "Bubba, man you're so stupid. Everybody knows that Old MacDonald had a farm." "Ohhhh," says Bubba. "I remember." So, Bubba starts filling in the blank, but stops. He again reaches over and taps Jethro’s shoulder and whispers, "Hey, how do you spell farm?" "Man Bubba, you really are brainless. Duh? That's EASY! Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

8th July 2008, 17:57	#222
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Blonde Deputy.................. The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?". "Today and Tomorrow," she replied. He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her friends were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was overjoyed. "It went great! first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

8th July 2008, 18:00	#223
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Marriage in Heaven....................... A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

8th July 2008, 18:16	#224
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Grave Situation......................... A man visiting a cemetery heard a second man who was kneeling at a nearby grave crying-out loudly, "Why did you have to die?!!? Why did you have to die?!!?" The first man was so moved by the other man's obvious pain that he walked over and lightly placed a comforting hand on the distraught man's shoulder and asked him, "Is this your wife?" "No", replied the weeping man. "Her first husband!"

8th July 2008, 18:48	#228
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Sunburn............. HI, ITS REALLY HOT HERE SO BE AWARE OF - Sunburn A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'? The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs. '

8th July 2008, 18:20	#225
pjwed Newbie zt 160+ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: cumbria Posts: 29 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Is Brum 29 the resident joker pj :lol::lol::lol:

8th July 2008, 18:29	#227
pjwed Newbie zt 160+ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: cumbria Posts: 29 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Keep it up m8 laughter makes the world go round. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

8th July 2008, 19:21	#229
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Gods Watching......................... The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

8th July 2008, 19:38	#230
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	How to be Annoying.................. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Sing the Batman theme constantly. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Ask 0800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Set alarms for random times. Honk and wave to strangers. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. Pay for your dinner with coins. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. Name your dog "Dog." Ask people what gender they are. Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think." Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the biscuit parts back in the tray. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot". While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. Sit in your front garden pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!" Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. Never make eye contact. Shout random numbers while someone is counting. Make appointments for the 31st of November. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.