Coronavirus Humour signs /Jokes.

[planenut]

Needs must!

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/111237...e-toilet-roll/

[jackatesme]

Don't know why she has gone so deep,just for daffodil bulbs.

P1020147 (3) by john barry, on Flickr

[Nobby]

The boredom of self isolation.....

Did you know that if you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle and then hold a flame at the base of the bottle, eventually your testicle gets sucked inside the neck of the bottle !

If you've done this and know how to get it out, please message me....

Urgently.....

[jackatesme]

P1020149 (2) by john barry, on Flickr

[jeremy]

Old or what! You just break the bottle with a large hammer! Duhh! We do this in rural Ireland all the time.

[clf]

Originally Posted by MGJohn

Best not to do that with your favourite testicle. Too risky.

You have a favourite????

[Sprinter]

Remember.. you can only leave home for the...

[jackatesme]

Don't want be political. But have heard that due to the average age being well above 70 the House of Lords is on Lockdown. They are only allowed to leave in groups of three to go to local Job Centre to sign on for unemployment benefit.

[baxlin]

Originally Posted by jackatesme

P1020149 (2) by john barry, on Flickr

Thanks for the language censoring, John/Jack, I wish more would not try to get round the swear filter.

Malcolm

[andymc]

Wimbledon 2020 to be replaced with Andy Murray playing Swingball alone in his garden

With the All England Club set to shut its doors for the duration of the summer, Sir Andy Murray will be streaming his own special lockdown version of The Wimbledon Championships.


With crushing inevitability the cancellation of this year’s Wimbledon is expected to be announced soon, but it’s not all doom and gloom for tennis fans. Sir Andy Murray will be filming himself playing Swingball for the two whole weeks.
What better way to cheer the heart of the nation?
Murray’s wife Kim described how she was woken in the early hours of the morning when he came up with the idea.
“’Come on!’ he shouted and I nearly fell out of bed.
“’I know how to replace the dull monotony of modern men’s tennis without leaving the house!’ he said.
“He then immediately went to the shed and dusted off his old Swingball.
“’Come on!’ he shouted. shaking his fist after he successfully disentangled the string and hammered the apparatus into the ground.
“He’s hardly been out of the garden since. I haven’t seen him this positive since he had his hip replacement or whatever it was.”
Sir Andy explained his thinking behind The All Andy Club Swingball Championships (working title).
“Being stuck in the house for months is the perfect opportunity to work intensively on my dynamic stroke execution,” said Murray, echoing the thoughts of millions of men all over the world.
“Given that Wimbledon probably won’t be happening why not put my shots online for the world to see?” said Murray, echoing the thoughts of millions of men all over the world.
The Order of Play in Andy Murray’s garden will be the same every day for two weeks commencing Monday 29th June:
1300: Andy Murray does forehands.
1500: Andy Murray does backhands.
1700: Andy Murray half-heartedly alternates forehands and backhands while drinking a beer and weeping.
2000: Inebriation stops play.