Scousers

[steve811]

Scousers
A Liverpool Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her scouser students to raise their hands if they too are
Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't
you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan,
then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a
Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a
Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason
for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents
all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a
drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.

[scouseeric]

A mate of mine just got back from South Wales, stayed in a hotel and paid extra for a room without a view!

Eric

[Reebs]

Time gentlemen please, let's have your glasses

[Canon]

A man and his wife were driving through Wales on their holidays when they suddenly saw a sign that said "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllanty sili ogogogoch".
The husband attempts to say it, but his wife starts laughing and soon this turns into a argument, so much so that they decide to pull into the nearest motorway restaurant.
Finishing their meal, the wife can't help but question the waitress. "Excuse me miss," asked the wife, "but can you settle an argument between my husband and me? Can you pronounce the name of where we are, but very slowly please."
The cashier looks at the woman funny and says, "Sure, you are in Liiiiittttttllllleeeee Chhhhhheeeeefffff!"

[Canon]

Sorry really cannot resist this one

Two Welshmen were rounding up their sheep when one of the ewes suddenly ran into a fence and got it's head stuck. The two men ran over to the fence and one of them said to the other, "Hey, boyo, this is too good an opportunity to pass up!"
The man unzipped his trousers, yanked out his tool and had sex with the ewe for ten minutes. After he finished he looked at his friend and said, "That was ****** marvellous, mate. D'you fancy a go then?"
"****** right I do!" replied the other man, as he unzipped his trousers and stuck his head through the fence.

[Canon]

Oh and here is a good scouse one to show no hard feelings

Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

And a quick one

Police cordoned off Liverpool city centre this morning when a suspicious object was found in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disk.

[HarryM1BYT]

Originally Posted by Canon

A man and his wife were driving through Wales on their holidays when they suddenly saw a sign that said "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllanty sili ogogogoch".
The husband attempts to say it, but his wife starts laughing and soon this turns into a argument, so much so that they decide to pull into the nearest motorway restaurant.
Finishing their meal, the wife can't help but question the waitress. "Excuse me miss," asked the wife, "but can you settle an argument between my husband and me? Can you pronounce the name of where we are, but very slowly please."
The cashier looks at the woman funny and says, "Sure, you are in Liiiiittttttllllleeeee Chhhhhheeeeefffff!"

Sorry, that doesn't really work for me - There are certainly no motorways in Anglesey, not even a motorway in Wales. there is though (or used to be) a Little Chef in Llanfair PG.