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Old 7th January 2022, 22:18   #11
Imm75
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Sometimes it might be that the waves of grief are too much and at those times the only thing that can be done is batten down the hatches. At other times you have to ride the storm. I found filling one's senses with good things like good positive music for the ears, good conversation, natural beauty and art and being active all help. Wishing you all the best.
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Old 8th January 2022, 11:22   #12
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The loss of a loved one must be very traumatic, we are so sorry, Dave I don't know what part of Lincoln you live in but you are more than welcome to have a brew and a chat with us we are down the A46 in Radcliffe on Trent, any time is good for us, perhaps a bit of company might be a good thing.

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Old 8th January 2022, 20:43   #13
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Our club has quite a few members that are not exactly breaking records in the 100 metres anymore, some of us are not breaking records in the 10 metres. As young as we feel the clock doesn't go backwards, the memorial page is getting longer and will continue to do so.
I propose a thread for bereaved members to have a moment when it's needed to unwind, a dedicated page to share emotions, memories, photo's and to be able to grieve on to a continuous page filled with sadness and joy in equal measure. As members of a quite unique club there should be such a place to visit here for those suffering loss of a loved one. If a member isn't online here for a few weeks they might miss a few threads, a dedicated thread to visit won't be missed as it can be looked in on whenever we log in, I think as time goes by here we're going to be helping each other quite often.
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Old 8th January 2022, 22:57   #14
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I Don't think I have ever heard wiser words from a Wigan lad
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Old 9th January 2022, 11:51   #15
Graham1961
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I know the feeling Bob after loosing my brother and both parents in a short time frame.
It will take time and yes I agree with all comments made already as I suffer loneliness as well.
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Old 9th January 2022, 12:11   #16
hogweed
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I am a recovering alcoholic. People like me who used to “self-medicate” with (in my case) a bottle of gin or so every night, plus other stiff shots here and there when the nerves got too bad, can find life pretty tough going when the drug has gone.


A couple of years into my sobriety, my world fell apart – I lost the love of my life, as I saw it then, to another man rather than death; 2 weeks later, got made redundant; my sole remaining companion, my little cat whom I’d had through all the tough times, died; etc etc etc.


I was in a terrible state, and often thought about drinking. I relied heavily on Alcoholics Anonymous, which got me through… one day when I actually had the Rover keys in my hand to go to the off licence, I phoned my sponsor to give him a piece of my mind about how ***** everything was, and why I was going to throw the towel in. He felt this was inadvisable so I asked him how I could escape from the unbearable pain, now that there was no gin in my life.


He said, quietly, “You can’t, I’m afraid – life will bring this kind of pain to you, sooner or later. It’s unfair, it’s impossible and, you feel, unbearable. I’m sorry, but sometimes you have to learn to sit in pain, accepting it, not knowing when or if it will end. But it WILL end, or at least reduce substantially – in the meantime, talk to others as much as you can, even when you (mistakenly) feel like you're burdening them; stagger onwards through life, a day at a time, and eventually it will get better.”


I probably insulted him roundly on the phone, but I put the keys back down, and didn’t drink. That’s a long time ago now.


I don’t know you, but I know people, and many will do a lot to help you if they can. I guess what I’m saying is that accepting that a disaster has happened to you, and will hurt badly for some time whatever you do, is key; and then it will get better, gradually, without you noticing. Sorry if that sounds unfeeling – it absolutely isn't meant to, just trying to draw parallels with my own experiences.


Years later, I have a lovely girlfriend (after many years alone), and am living a better life than I ever have.


If you'd suggested to me, back then, that that was even possible, I’d have hit you.


Best wishes
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Old 9th January 2022, 14:37   #17
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I think you should get help with your grieving, don't be proud , or think your be a pain, you won't, but there are organisations, and people who can help, and they are trained to help, sometimes us good meaning people can actually be harmful, because we might give the wrong advice , It does pass, things do get better, the hurt will always be there, but over time you do not feel it so much, find yourself a grief councillor, you should have been given their details and that of organisations when your wife passed on.
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Old 10th January 2022, 15:42   #18
robbrooks
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I don't know whether our paths have crossed, but as a human to human ) I feel your pain. I'm fortunate that I have not lost anyone that close me, except mum and dad and that was bad. Time healed this! I lost a good friend last month to prostate cancer and that threw me. I can only say what others are saying. Keep talking is my advice and don't sit too long just thinking. Keep in touch with friends and don't isolate yourself. I'm not that religious, but I have my moments when I look at the Bible. My mum was very religious which I have adopted at times of worry , stress and loss. I know it's not for everyone, but try Psalms- many uplifting scriptures in this book.

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