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Old 2nd March 2020, 18:49   #11
victorgte
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Having lent money to one of our 5 children and never got a penny back we are aware that it is her partner that causing her financial woes. He’s just a total sh*t. Tragically she is self harming as she struggles with his coercive and bullying behaviour.
We’ve now begun steps to try and get her out of there. Her learning difficulties compound the problem as she struggles to process how life should be rather than what she is actually experiencing.
Another daughter struggled as single parent and we helped out. Now she has a partner and they both work there is no demand anymore on us.
The other 3 never ask for anything. It’s a funny world.
As a rule never lend to family or simply write it off. Only once did I borrow money from my dad. £450. Paid him back at £150 per month over 3 months. He never let me forget how generous he was to have done me such a big favour. Never asked him again.
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Old 2nd March 2020, 21:33   #12
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I always remember, a son's your son till he gets him a wife, your daughter's your daughter for all of your life, gave up counting how much my daughter has cost us years ago, if she needs it, we "lend" it to her but don't expect to ever get it back! Not seen anything back yet either.
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Old 2nd March 2020, 21:57   #13
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Just as an aside to this, Many Many years ago when we were paid on a Friday a "Friend" used to get paid on a Friday as well. But by Monday he was broke so he used to ask me to lend him £10 and the promise to pay me on Friday when he got paid. Which he did every Friday and then the next Monday the same thing borrowed £10. This went on for weeks and weeks, In the end, I said to him.. You know that £10 you borrow every week you can keep it because it is now not mine. And that was the end of him borrowing money from me as I never had that £10 myself.
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Old 3rd March 2020, 15:44   #14
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I'm lucky in never having had an unfavourable credit rating. Very lucky in fact, it's been close once or twice. But having seen others in trouble I have also seen the disproportionate knock-on damage it can do to others and their families.

In the same way as I would not lend to strangers I would also fight shy of lending to or saying no to a family member at wits end trying to avoid disaster. Better a long term gift, perhaps in the hope of eventually receiving, than a split family. There's no price I could put on that.
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Old 3rd March 2020, 16:52   #15
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...........................
In the same way as I would not lend to strangers I would also fight shy of lending to or saying no to a family member at wits end trying to avoid disaster. Better a long term gift, perhaps in the hope of eventually receiving, than a split family. There's no price I could put on that.
The danger of free loaning to anybody is that they have not had to strive to earn it, therefore do not have any "allegiance" to it, as it was never theirs. Nice idea if one can afford it.

Kiddiewinkles can be brought up identically, being taught the same respect and values but they can end up as different as chalk and cheese.
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Old 4th March 2020, 16:12   #16
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The danger of free loaning to anybody is that they have not had to strive to earn it, therefore do not have any "allegiance" to it, as it was never theirs. Nice idea if one can afford it.

Kiddiewinkles can be brought up identically, being taught the same respect and values but they can end up as different as chalk and cheese.

The difference is that I was thinking only of family as that was the OP subject.
In that case the worthy consideration of 'allegiance' is not to the money, rather it is the personal family tie.

If that is as strong as it should be, that's all that matters. Sometimes, it isn't strong so maybe a different route to solving a debt or other problem would be found.

It's true young'uns can grow up differently, but they are still ours! Someone once said "a child for a while and a parent forever". Each to his own of course, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Old 4th March 2020, 18:49   #17
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Originally Posted by planenut View Post
The danger of free loaning to anybody is that they have not had to strive to earn it, therefore do not have any "allegiance" to it, as it was never theirs. Nice idea if one can afford it.

Kiddiewinkles can be brought up identically, being taught the same respect and values but they can end up as different as chalk and cheese.
what is free loaning?


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Old 4th March 2020, 19:38   #18
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what is free loaning?


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We have used the term in the past when "loaning" to someone but knowing one will get nothing back, therefore for them, it's free.
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Old 8th March 2020, 20:33   #19
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Maybe if you are considering unofficial/official loan agreements you cant afford it? i.e. you don't have the spare money, the amount involved is needed by you. If so don't loan the money" your need is as much as etc etc " If you have the money surplus then a straight forward gift. You may get it back! maybe not only you know? Chris.S.
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Old 2nd October 2020, 15:21   #20
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Some advice I was given many years ago.

How do these people sleep at night?
Probably on another victims sofa ;-)

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