Global Economy- Explained

Simondi · 3rd July 2008, 20:35

HOLY COW!

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON/WORLDCOM VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
you have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
you have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
you have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
you have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.

A ZIMBABWIAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. One is shot for occupying land that was supposed to
have been redistributed the other, arrested and questioned for being
coloured
similar to the main opposition party.
No irregularities in procedure have been found by the government.

A SWISS CORPORATION
you have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
you have two cows. You worship them.

CHINESE CORPORATION
you have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported
the numbers.

A WELSH CORPORATION
you have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute

trebor · 3rd July 2008, 21:22

pretty good made me smile particularly the Enron bit !

Simon · 3rd July 2008, 21:45

Seen it before but still makes me laugh out loud everytime

3rd July 2008, 20:35	#1
Simondi Regional Secretary MGTF, MG ZS EV Exclusive Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Kilwinning Posts: 14,046 Thanks: 1,460 Thanked 3,563 Times in 1,857 Posts	Global Economy- Explained HOLY COW! TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ENRON/WORLDCOM VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION you have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. FRENCH CORPORATION you have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION you have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION you have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION you have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION you have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION you have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A ZIMBABWIAN CORPORATION you have two cows. One is shot for occupying land that was supposed to have been redistributed the other, arrested and questioned for being coloured similar to the main opposition party. No irregularities in procedure have been found by the government. A SWISS CORPORATION you have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A HINDU CORPORATION you have two cows. You worship them. CHINESE CORPORATION you have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. A WELSH CORPORATION you have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute __________________ Simondi FAQ How do you do that? Club Flyers Looking for a car seen in a film or on TV? Fancy a change in colour or wheels - paint configurator OBD - Trip Meter Ultimate Buyers Guide Post YouTube videos

3rd July 2008, 21:22	#2
trebor This is my second home Rover 75 CDTi Connoisseur SE & MG ZT Saloon 190 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Coven Posts: 12,523 Thanks: 526 Thanked 1,877 Times in 885 Posts	pretty good made me smile particularly the Enron bit ! __________________ www.midlandsnanomeets.co.uk Robs Car Gallery Coven near Wolverhampton WV9 2000 Cowley Built Rover 75 2.0 V6 Club SE/ Atlantic Blue/ Sandstone/Walnut (daily driver) 2003 Land Rover Freelander 1 TD4 HSE Helsinki Blue/Black Leather (swmbo daily driver)

3rd July 2008, 21:45	#3
Simon Banned - Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: - Posts: 10,318 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts	Seen it before but still makes me laugh out loud everytime