My Black Dog moods

[HarryM1BYT]

I have always been a bit of a worrier and sometimes things come to a head and I will have a few days of self imposed misery and depression. This misery, I try hard to hide....

I'm coming up to the first anniversary of my partners passing (1), still not been able to get to the end of sorting out her financial affairs (2) and I was also concerned about some big bills we (new partner and I face) over the next few weeks (3), with our (her level) of spend from our shared account. I have plenty of cash, but I like to live within my income and not live on my pile of cash.

So (three things on my mind), I had one really black day, where I went unusually quiet and withdrawn. She noticed and wanted to know what was wrong, was it her, what could she do, was it the soon anniversary? Did I want her to move out, or go away for a couple of weeks? Still in the 'mood' I didn't answer, but left it for a couple of days before attempting to explain the reasons for my moodiness and not to even think of moving out.

I tried to explain to her that I just have odd moody days and I often don't even know why myself. I have even know me to have these black days, simply from frustration with myself for not getting on with a job that needs to be done, but where I have not been able to make my mind up how to go about it.

She asked me to explain, I explained as best I could, so now she has cut right back on the daily spend. She is rather food waste full, buys more than we eat, but is extremely good at finding bargains.

[valleygixer]

I feel your pain my friend. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since my teenage years. I went through a really bad patch over the last few months. Lots of triggers and factors that all kicked me in the knackers at once.

Counselling is an amazing way to deal with things. Talking to someone neutral for me was the key. I also coupled this with medication that stops the moods swings and let's me see through the fog.

If you ever want to talk or ask questions please feel free. If I can help in anyway I will.

Good luck

[Si-monogram]

Yep, same here. Had a very controlling ex partner who was also very violent. My anxiety was sky high during my time with her and ended up on medication. Ive learned to live with it now and my new partner, julie, is a breath of fresh air. Anxiety is something we love with for the rest of our lives and we just have to learn to manage it properly.

I hate confrontation and switch into defensive mode instantly when something effects me. It could be major or stupid things like disagreements on here, and some people, who don't know you and make their own assumptions can be so way of the mark that it becomes quite upsetting.

I just try and suck it up and meet it head on as cowering isn't an option for me anymore.

I hope things improve for you and just know that you aren't alone.

[visfix]

Harry and Si, I can sympathize with you both.

I could wax lyrical about my life and woes, but this is Harry's thread, so just want to say, been there.

[HarryM1BYT]

Originally Posted by valleygixer

If you ever want to talk or ask questions please feel free. If I can help in anyway I will.

Good luck

No, I am absolutely fine now - I just have a very occasional black day, when I have it in mind that things are out of control. She is brilliantly understanding, noticed my mood and correctly interpreted its cause mostly. I was just shocked that she would have even suggested her moving out for a couple of weeks to give me some space and even more shocked that she offered to move out and stay away. We have got so much work done in the house, between us, we get on absolutely great together, not had even the slightest of disagreements - yet she thought somehow part of the blame might be her fault.

She has made it possible for us to turn this house around, from the rather dingy rather neglected place it was inside just 4 months ago, to something to be proud of. I just couldn't do much for decades, due to my first partners increasing frailty - if it wasn't essential, it didn't get done, so there has been rather a lot to catch up on.

She only came back from a week away visiting her relatives in the NE, a couple of weeks ago. I am not keen to repeat that.

[James.uk]

Keeping a nice/good relationship with your new partner will solve 99% of your bad days Harry.

As for jobs that need doing, forget planning headaches, just get your tools out and get started! ...
...

[HarryM1BYT]

Originally Posted by James.uk

Keeping a nice/good relationship with your new partner will solve 99% of your bad days Harry.

As for jobs that need doing, forget planning headaches, just get your tools out and get started! ...
...

Bathroom redone last week, I started the downstairs toilet yesterday, by fitting the dado rail. Once that is done, we move onto the hall, stairs and landing. The latter, was the most recently done, but decorating everywhere else has made it look shabby.

[macafee2]

Harry there is something about here that i get the impression worries/updates you "(her level) of spend from our shared account"

Coming to the year passing of your partner is going to be difficult for you. Hopefully in time the pain will ease

macafee2

[johnnyb44]

I feel your pain Harry. As you probably know my wife left me about three months back for another fellow. We had been together for 25 years and it was such a shock. I'm now though starting to enjoying the single life. All the stress and anxiety I had put up with over the years is now slowly leaching out of me. I still get plenty of low black days , I now feel if I want to be grumpy today I can. If I want to spend the day cleaning the car to just having a nice quiet day in front of the telly I can do it. I hope things improve for you buddy in the long term. Just take everyday as it comes and enjoy each day for whatever you choose to do in it
:-)

[HarryM1BYT]

Originally Posted by macafee2

Harry there is something about here that i get the impression worries/updates you "(her level) of spend from our shared account"

Coming to the year passing of your partner is going to be difficult for you. Hopefully in time the pain will ease

macafee2

As said - I have plenty of cash put by, she has none - but my plan was that part of our combined incomes should be put into a shared account to pay for our day to day running costs. Generally it has, but I expected it to provide a bigger margin to accumulate in the account, than it has. It has accumulated around £100 per month, which to my mind wasn't enough to cope with the annual bills and the unexpected ones. We are each putting £100 pw (£200) into the account to provide for our day to day costs. I expected the surplus to be much more than £25 per week.

There was some frivolous over spend, plus the one off cost of decorating - so now she has agreed to be a bit more careful.

Originally Posted by johnnyb44

I feel your pain Harry. As you probably know my wife left me about three months back for another fellow. We had been together for 25 years and it was such a shock. I'm now though starting to enjoying the single life. All the stress and anxiety I had put up with over the years is now slowly leaching out of me. I still get plenty of low black days , I now feel if I want to be grumpy today I can. If I want to spend the day cleaning the car to just having a nice quiet day in front of the telly I can do it. I hope things improve for you buddy in the long term. Just take everyday as it comes and enjoy each day for whatever you choose to do in it
:-)

As my original partner declined, needed more and more care, I really did have some seriously black days due to the struggle. I was struggling alone, her own relatives had pretty much abandoned her. Her failing health was of course worrying me, but I was also worried about the struggle I would face to live alone and be able to fund things too.

Now my financial worries are very much less; I'm not alone - if one of us need to go out for the entire day, the other can stay in to look after the dogs; I now have help on hand for the jobs which are double handed; I'm now back on proper cooked food, instead of the ready meals I was struggling with.

No, things are generally absolutely great - a world away from what I had. I am much more relaxed about things, than I have been for many years. If I want to spend the day cleaning the car, I now get some valued and willing help to do it . She was footing the ladder yesterday, as I checked the house gutters