Darwin Awards

Jay · 23rd January 2018, 23:24

When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in
a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the
machine and he also lost a finger
The chef's claim was approved.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from
an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to
a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K,
put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime committed?]

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw
a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block
and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called
911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that
a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast...
The frustrated gunman walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from
a motor home parked on a Seattle street by
sucking on a hose, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find
a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but
he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had
been punished enough!

FLYING BANANA · 24th January 2018, 04:27

Very good Jay. Loved the last one.

planenut · 24th January 2018, 08:22

Quote:

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

Love that one.

23rd January 2018, 23:24	#1
Jay This is my second home Small....Far away Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Norwich Posts: 9,473 Thanks: 2,707 Thanked 2,060 Times in 1,194 Posts	Darwin Awards When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger The chef's claim was approved. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough! __________________ ~Karma will help or hinder you. Therefore look positive for this day~

24th January 2018, 04:27	#2
FLYING BANANA Moderator/Club Shop MG ZT 1.8t+. No.3 of 4 in Sunspot Yellow & Ford Fiesta in Black. Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Rattler Farm Posts: 22,568 Thanks: 9,270 Thanked 15,645 Times in 6,806 Posts	Very good Jay. Loved the last one. __________________ 233,431. That’s our second meet done, no.3 next weekend. onen hag oll