Australia

[adrenalin rush]

Subject: Australia



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> AUSTRALIA.
>
> COULD THIS BE CLOSE TO THE TRUTH????
>
>
>
> These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
> the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
> great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold )
>
> __________________________________________________
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
> how do the plants grow? ( UK).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
> die.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
>
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
> ( Sweden)
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
> of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
>
> A: What did your last slave die of?
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (
> USA )
>
> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross. Come naked.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> ( Germany )
>
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
> __________________________________________________
>
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
>
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> make good pets.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
> name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
> Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
> out walking.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)
>
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France)
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first!
>
>

[Stag>75]

I'm sorry but that isn't all accurate. In terms of the official language we talk Strine, although it is a bit of a dying language now.

Here is a sample of our dictionary which was written by Professor Afferbeck Lauder

http://www.textfiles.com/humor/strine.txt

Unfortunately there is no published translation, this knowledge is only gifted to those who have been raised here.

I'll offer just a few translations.

Air Fridge: "Average"
Aorta: "They ought to"
Tan Cancel: "Town Council"

[billericaymgxpower]

Superb. Great sense of humour.