Coronavirus Humour signs /Jokes.

[stocktake]

I heard a little rumour,
I don't know if it's true,
the world is going to be at peace,
for at least a month or two.

I heard that folk must stay at home,
and spend time with their kin,
slowdown, relax and take a breath,
and find some peace within.

And though we may be worried,
about money, jobs and bills,
we will notice beauty everywhere,
blue skies, clean lakes, green hills,

And when a month or two is over,
and we can go back to our lives,
people will show gratitude,
that their loved ones have survived.

[solarsailor]

[Saga Lout]

It seems that Corona Virus isn't enough of a threat, now it's Clap as well.

[dattrike]

“Heard a Dr on TV say to get through the boredom of self-isolation we should finish the things we have started around the house and thus have more calm in our lives. So I looked through the house to find all the things I have started but hadn’t finished...so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valium scriptions, an a box of chocletz. You haf no idr how freakin fablus I feel rite now! Sned this to all who need inner piste. An tellum u luvum.”

[RobSun]

Blimey, seems one of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. I hear he’s been put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely...

[clf]

[planenut]

I've made good use of my time and thought it preferable to get to work creating a hide, i.e. a shelter for me. Not an air raid shelter but an anti-virus shelter. I am tired but nearly finished.

Having dug down below my home, inside, I have created a sealed room supplied with electric and water from above. Yes, I've have to be creative when it comes to ablutions which I won't go into, but my supplies include tinned and dried foodstuffs, plenty of detergent and soap. The bed is only a camp bed but I will be okay. It was a struggle getting a reclining armchair down there and desk along with cooking facilities. The camp kitchen will have to suffice. Luckily, I can exhaust all air outside of my environment into the adjacent cavity.

Good planning should never be criticized.

My neighbour is not best pleased though, as I live in a flat on the first floor.

[Lancpudn]

[Bogbrush82]

Originally Posted by stocktake

Coronavirus Rhapsody:

Bet you sing it

Is this a sore throat?

Is this just allergies?

Caught in a lockdown

No escape from reality.

Don’t touch your eyes

Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy

I’m just a poor boy, no job security

Because of easy spread, even though

Washed your hands, laying low

I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me

Mama, just killed a man

Didn’t stay inside in bed

I walked by him, now he’s dead

Mama, life was so much fun

But now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague

Mama, oooooh

Didn’t mean to make them die

If I’m not back to work this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter

Too late, my time has come

Sends shivers down my spine

Body’s aching all the time

Goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, oooooh

I don’t wanna die

I sometimes wish I never went out at all

I see a little silhouette of a man

What a douche, what a douche

Did he even wash his hands though

Security is tightening

Very very frightening me

Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)

Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)

Gotta lay low masturbate

Masturbate O O O O

I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality

HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?

BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)

BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)

BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)

WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)

No no no no no

Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)

COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me

So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand?

So you think we can hang out and not break our plans?

Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,

Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever

oooooh

Curving can get flatter

Anyone can see

Curving can get flatter

Curving can get flatter, you’ll see

Just look out your windows….

*Ribs collapse*

[clf]

Dear Corona virus,
Here in ireland we dont die easy, we are a tough breed. We were raised on whiskey from the age of 2, going to the bog for 18hrs with no food was the norm. We drove cars with 13 people inside and still managed to get to our destination. We survived the potato famine, the mad cow disease and the troubles (we wont get into that) we can travel the world and still end up with a family member. The riot police are called to weddings, the bomb squad to birthdays and the local preist/clergy man can cure everything, along with tea, I'm sure if we bath in the stuff, we wont need hand sanitizer. Paddy is the dumbest man around and still manages to come out the best in every situation, we take our cue from him. We make the best craic out of the worst situation, and get a wee bit excited about a bomb scare just to get out if work. We get lemonade directly to our door by the Maine man and eat 4 Types of bread in a fry cause it's an Ulster fry. We jump off buildings, swim when we r drunk and drink a shot with every beer, just for the craic. We bbq in -4 because Frank Mitchell said the sun would be out and when someone yells 'pub' we would risk breaking our neck to get to it.
So corona virus, when u came to our country, be warned, we wont take it laying down ��✊��❤
Much love, kelly

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