How many Macintosh

Kandyman · 30th October 2006, 23:32

Q: How many MAC programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three halves and a whole. The first half to unscrew the light bulb. The second to drag the old bulb to the trash. The third half to formulate a strategy in replacing the light, and the whole to buy an IBM and change it a lot quicker.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, they just hold it in the socket and wait for the whole world to revolve around them.

Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but it costs $4000 and you have to replace the motherboard.

A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.

A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.

A: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.

A: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.

A: None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution.

A: Did you try rebooting with extensions off ? (Notes : On the Macintosh, certain types of crashes can sometimes be attributed to not-quite-compatible extensions. One way to find out if one of the extensions is at fault in a crash is to reboot with extensions off and see if it crashes again.)

Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.

Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.

Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.

GreyGhost · 30th October 2006, 23:56

Love it, most of those are circa 1986

One or two missed :-

Have you zapped your P-ram? Command-Option-P-R (don't ask)
Have you reset the power manager? Command-Control-Function-Power on button. (special occasions only)
Can you log into Open Firmware, Comand-Option-O-F (only if you know what you are doing) Reset your logic board. Reset your NV ram (nasty business)
Hard reset your logic board. (Some of you may even enjoy this)

Oh what fun we have

Whatever you do now don't forget to FSCK your HDD

Kandyman · 31st October 2006, 09:27

I hoped you would like it, i hunted around just for you to find a Mac one

Keith · 1st November 2006, 10:21

A few years ago when I worked for Datapoint we picked up a contract to support Apple Macs sold to Joe public by the John Lewis Partnership (Waitrose).

Strewth that was a baptism of fire I had never even seen one before.

GreyGhost · 1st November 2006, 11:16

30th October 2006, 23:32	#1
Kandyman Banned ROVER 75 2.5 V6 Connoisseur SE Limousine 2004 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Welling Posts: 10,995 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	How many Macintosh Q: How many MAC programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three halves and a whole. The first half to unscrew the light bulb. The second to drag the old bulb to the trash. The third half to formulate a strategy in replacing the light, and the whole to buy an IBM and change it a lot quicker. Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, they just hold it in the socket and wait for the whole world to revolve around them. Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer. Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but it costs $4000 and you have to replace the motherboard. A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method. A: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon. A: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light. A: None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution. A: Did you try rebooting with extensions off ? (Notes : On the Macintosh, certain types of crashes can sometimes be attributed to not-quite-compatible extensions. One way to find out if one of the extensions is at fault in a crash is to reboot with extensions off and see if it crashes again.) Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known. Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts. Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.

30th October 2006, 23:56	#2
GreyGhost Banned 180+ Sport Auto Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bedford Middle Level Posts: 17,787 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 5 Posts	Love it, most of those are circa 1986 One or two missed :- Have you zapped your P-ram? Command-Option-P-R (don't ask) Have you reset the power manager? Command-Control-Function-Power on button. (special occasions only) Can you log into Open Firmware, Comand-Option-O-F (only if you know what you are doing) Reset your logic board. Reset your NV ram (nasty business) Hard reset your logic board. (Some of you may even enjoy this) Oh what fun we have Whatever you do now don't forget to FSCK your HDD Last edited by GreyGhost; 30th October 2006 at 23:59..

31st October 2006, 09:27	#3
Kandyman Banned ROVER 75 2.5 V6 Connoisseur SE Limousine 2004 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Welling Posts: 10,995 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	I hoped you would like it, i hunted around just for you to find a Mac one

1st November 2006, 10:21	#4
Keith This is my second home ZT400 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Ellesmere Posts: 5,948 Thanks: 0 Thanked 43 Times in 29 Posts	A few years ago when I worked for Datapoint we picked up a contract to support Apple Macs sold to Joe public by the John Lewis Partnership (Waitrose). Strewth that was a baptism of fire I had never even seen one before.

1st November 2006, 11:16	#5
GreyGhost Banned 180+ Sport Auto Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bedford Middle Level Posts: 17,787 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 5 Posts