Australian sense of humour

trebor · 22nd September 2009, 05:50

The Australian sense of humour

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangular shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is..
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

____________________________ ______________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

__________________________________________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

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stevemac · 22nd September 2009, 06:53

Having just watched a TV program on the 20 deadliest creatures in Australia, and now knowing even no 20 will kill you, if bitten, within 30 mins and one snake (WHICH LIVES IN PEOPLES GARDENS!

} can kill you just by looking at you, you need a sense of humor to live there

Roverowner · 22nd September 2009, 11:02

Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!! made my day

22nd September 2009, 05:50	#1
trebor This is my second home Rover 75 CDTi Connoisseur SE & MG ZT Saloon 190 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Coven Posts: 12,523 Thanks: 526 Thanked 1,877 Times in 885 Posts	Australian sense of humour The Australian sense of humour These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour. __________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. __________________________________________________ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. _________________________________________________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK ) A: What did your last slave die of? __________________________________________________ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangular shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. _________________________________________________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) A: You are a British politician, right? ____________________________ ______________________ Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. __________________________________________________ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. __________________________________________________ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. __________________________________________________ Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. _________________________________________________ Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy ) A: Yes, gay night clubs. __________________________________________________ Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. __________________________________________________ Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA ) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first ________________________________________ __________________ www.midlandsnanomeets.co.uk Robs Car Gallery Coven near Wolverhampton WV9 2000 Cowley Built Rover 75 2.0 V6 Club SE/ Atlantic Blue/ Sandstone/Walnut (daily driver) 2003 Land Rover Freelander 1 TD4 HSE Helsinki Blue/Black Leather (swmbo daily driver)

22nd September 2009, 06:53	#2
stevemac This is my second home Jaguar X Type 2.2D Estate Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Farnborough Posts: 4,306 Thanks: 6 Thanked 13 Times in 6 Posts	Having just watched a TV program on the 20 deadliest creatures in Australia, and now knowing even no 20 will kill you, if bitten, within 30 mins and one snake (WHICH LIVES IN PEOPLES GARDENS!} can kill you just by looking at you, you need a sense of humor to live there __________________ • • • • • • • • Steve “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie-the-Pooh http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/n...5/twitter1.jpg

22nd September 2009, 11:02	#3
Roverowner Retired CDTi Tourer 2005 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Linköping Posts: 5,023 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!! made my day Last edited by JohnDotCom; 22nd September 2009 at 13:19..