The female of the species

FLYING BANANA · 4th January 2019, 15:25

A man was granted two wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever......
Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened!

Wives are magicians.
They can change anything into an argument.

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married"

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE
Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?

I WILL THINK ABOUT IT:
When a married man says, I'll think about it - what he really means is that
he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

TALKING IN SLEEP:
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"
The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!

planenut · 4th January 2019, 17:36

Hope you don't mind if I add this?

As part of my work I have to ask people who's liberty has been rescinded "have you ever tried to injure, harm or hurt yourself?" and a guy said "yes, I did once". His Solicitor and I looked at each other, and I apologized but asked him to explain, and he said "I got married!"

trikey · 4th January 2019, 17:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by FLYING BANANA

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"

And because they get an oil change every Month.

4th January 2019, 15:25	#1
FLYING BANANA Moderator/Club Shop MG ZT 1.8t+. No.3 of 4 in Sunspot Yellow & Ford Fiesta in Black. Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Rattler Farm Posts: 22,555 Thanks: 9,270 Thanked 15,645 Times in 6,806 Posts	The female of the species A man was granted two wishes by God, He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever...... Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa. There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. Rest get married and wonder what happened! Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument. Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men? A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!" "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that," he said. "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married" COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!? I WILL THINK ABOUT IT: When a married man says, I'll think about it - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet. TALKING IN SLEEP: A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake! __________________ 233,320. New rear tyres on order for BBB. onen hag oll

4th January 2019, 17:36	#2
planenut Regional Secretary Rover 1.8T Tourer Join Date: May 2007 Location: Heathrow Posts: 6,948 Thanks: 1,551 Thanked 2,036 Times in 1,264 Posts	Hope you don't mind if I add this? As part of my work I have to ask people who's liberty has been rescinded "have you ever tried to injure, harm or hurt yourself?" and a guy said "yes, I did once". His Solicitor and I looked at each other, and I apologized but asked him to explain, and he said "I got married!"