Men and there happiness

FLYING BANANA · 8th February 2018, 18:12

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter what your gender

What would you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - £5,000. Tux rental - £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do all your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in £20, even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t..
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children!! A woman knows all about her children. She knows all about dentist appointments, teen romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people that are living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. After all, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

planenut · 8th February 2018, 19:26

I like it, but the price is a bit high for the underwear.

jordimussol · 9th February 2018, 10:31

And who uses pocket calculators nowadays...

jackatesme · 9th February 2018, 15:16

The tears are running down my cheeks. Soooo true.

8th February 2018, 18:12	#1
FLYING BANANA Moderator/Club Shop MG ZT 1.8t+. No.3 of 4 in Sunspot Yellow & Ford Fiesta in Black. Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Rattler Farm Posts: 22,568 Thanks: 9,270 Thanked 15,645 Times in 6,806 Posts	Men and there happiness This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter what your gender What would you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - £5,000. Tux rental - £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do all your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in £20, even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children!! A woman knows all about her children. She knows all about dentist appointments, teen romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people that are living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. After all, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing! __________________ 233,431. That’s our second meet done, no.3 next weekend. onen hag oll

9th February 2018, 10:31	#3
jordimussol Avid contributor 2005 MG ZT & 1996 MGF Join Date: Dec 2017 Location: Mallorca Posts: 174 Thanks: 24 Thanked 67 Times in 32 Posts	And who uses pocket calculators nowadays... __________________ This vehicle was the 14,383rd ZT to run off the production line, out of 18,894 This vehicle was the 2,487th ZT CDTi + (135) to be made out of 4,184 This vehicle was the 2,112th ZT in XPower Grey (code: LEF) to be made out of 3,143 XPower Grey ZTs

9th February 2018, 15:16	#4
jackatesme This is my second home rover 75 saloon.Renault Captur 1.5 diesel. Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: rhymney Posts: 3,661 Thanks: 2,269 Thanked 1,242 Times in 702 Posts	The tears are running down my cheeks. Soooo true. __________________ - John B signing out Maralyn was born 9th Sept 2004 14.44.48. 103,597 of 112,381 (75s) 3,021 of 4,744 Connie SE 239 of 1.685 Platinum Gold. "Maralyn": Platinum Blonde,Troublesome,Unpredictable.

8th February 2018, 19:26	#2
planenut Regional Secretary Rover 1.8T Tourer Join Date: May 2007 Location: Heathrow Posts: 6,955 Thanks: 1,551 Thanked 2,036 Times in 1,264 Posts	I like it, but the price is a bit high for the underwear.