[wraymond]

In the nicest possible way of course. Had two rear tyres fitted today at KwickFit. They weren’t worn out and had over 5mm tread but the date on them was 2-12 so 8 years old. Newbies, beware the date on the tyre wall, there are recommended renewal times and if an accident occurs with you at fault your insurer just might refuse the claim under certain circumstances!

The appointment was 10.00am and I was a minute early, having bought the tyres and made the date on Monday.

The fitter was Amy at Southend on Sea and she was standing there, power wrench in hand and looking at the depot clock in anticipation. The black rubber gloves promised a heady mix of spanner skill and hygiene – perfect.

She threw me a glance, tossed her pony tail and half smiled, we were off to a good beginning.

Amy took one of rubbers off and pointed out to her boss it was bigger than recommended. There was a hush and two of the lads glanced at each other, then, with knowing looks, went slowly back to what they were doing. The boss, nonchalantly, agreed and the right size was rolled out.

All went well, satisfaction guaranteed, and Amy strolled away while I paid the dude at the counter.

I looked back and Amy was leaning against the ramp with feet folded, casually rolling her roll-up ciggie and still smiling.

As I drove away the radio played “You can check out, but you can never leave”. I thought ‘Well, not entirely anyway’.

Then Celia called.
"Where are you?"
"Hello darling, where shall I pick you up?"
"I'm at home you berk. Who've you been talking to, and what's happened to your voice?".





(With apologies to Mickey Spillane)