The All New 75/zt Social Banter Thread
 

Hello everybody and welcome to the Brand new all singing all dancing BANTER thread.
Everyone is welcome in here to have a laugh , tell jokes [clean of course],and generally mess around :D.
Please if you post piccies make them humourous and not too near the bone .

Here's hoping the thread can run as long as the old HIJACKERS HIJACK thread ran and just to let you know that i will be abandoning that thread and posting in here in future .

GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY old and new .:D

Will there be a limit on the number of jokes that this thread is licensed to carry? :p:

Hiya George..I trust that this is in the social section...:shrug: lol. Well, i for one will look forward to some jolly and friendly social banter.:D. Will make a nice change as of happenings on here of late..:shrug::) Poppy

Can I practice my Scottish accent in here though? :D

Oh my God, ruined already.....:getmecoat::getmecoat::getmecoat::shru g::D:D:D

Yes you most certianly can young tom , or TAM as we would call you up here .
You are of course an honourary SCOT .;)

Now now you know you love us jocks really pops.:D

Well och aye the noo to that. :D

erm NO ..:p:

Hoots Mon!

http://youtu.be/wioh5qUj7fM

I was talking to my welsh mate taff the other night about sex and how many he had slept with over the years, he started counting and nodded off

good lord KELV i never thought i would hear you say that :D:D

i didn't get that at first DOH DOH :p:

I meant to say not on your life but there's a typo slipped in somewhere. :D

You mean he was counting Deer?

Bet you would have it was about a poor little haggis... Run, run my little friends...:D:D:D

well this is nice is there a bar and who's round is it?

OH DEER...DEER OH DEER..:shrug::D:D

Is it permissable to post a tech question on here? :getmecoat:

You'd like to think it was George's but..................... :getmecoat:

That reminds me , iv'e still got my haggis balls in the freezer :drool4::D

Thats quite a technical question

Well, if it is a Scottish:shrug::shrug: pub.... Might as well go home now...:getmecoat::getmecoat:

Iv'e just opened a can of McEWANS export so hold the computer up and i'll pour some thru my mic .:drool4:

Technically speaking yes but in reality pointless :D:D

we might need a bigger car park

oi i will have you know i used my debit card to buy everyone dinner at last weeks SOUTH QUEENSFERRY meet ;)

Welcome, one and all to this new thread. I was so impressed the team were back and handed out two flyers today. One car was for sale:D:D:D

Leave the car at home and you can get rat faced ;)

2 FLYER'S ????? lord help you all .:getmecoat:

One Flyer is enough for any one thank you very much..:getmecoat::getmecoat::getmecoat::getmecoat: :D

I dont know so much pops , what with my new GARDENERS WORLD thread and whatnot i could be doing with a hand :grouphug::laughing2::bigsmile:

Used to drink that on trains. It was to only decent ale on the train. But in the 90's thats what they served on trains in East Anglia.
The stuff I drink is Champagne from the shoe of a virgin:D
Sorry, I mean the stuff that gives you your eye sight back after 2 1/2 days:D:D:D

What Gardeners world thread.?:shrug::shrug:

They are photo print quality business card shaped cards, whato:D

eeuucckk, thats the shoe not the virgin.;)

Shaped like what...:shrug: An old cow on a toilet you mean.?:shrug::D

send me a pack cos GLASGOW is awash with 75/zts:D

It's a bull ya silly moo :D

I was thinking the same too George.... A load of it in fact....:shrug::D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Whoaaa! what's happening? the social thread being all sociable again:D:bowdown:

Well technically yes.

http://i1019.photobucket.com/albums/...nson/12148.gif:D:D

Tech section please:getmecoat::D:D

Just rewired thats all , also some blown fuses were replaced.:D

Thought your team played in blue and white...:shrug:... Why the scarf George,,:shrug::getmecoat::getmecoat:

;)................

i bet you dont know who that is pops :D

Thanks George,hopefully see you Sunday:shrug:

oi you dont scare our new customers away , go to the naughty corner :D

It is Alf Garnett.. Soooo there...:p::p::p::p::p:

That would be great RONNIE , best sweetie shop in scotland is in MOFFAT :drool4:

BLAST .:D:D:getmecoat:

Not the best pic but are easy to store in the front armrest. I've told you what I do with my cubby hole rest now;)What do you lot do with yours:D:D:D



http://i1096.photobucket.com/albums/...lubCard001.jpg

is that blurred or do i need to go to specsavers .:p:

Must stop drinking this Polish plonk....:getmecoat::getmecoat::getmecoat:

You shouldn't drink POLISH pops , keep it for the 75 .:getmecoat::D

I told you that McEWANS was good stuff:D

Tried it once, but it seems to take the paint off..:shrug::shrug:

It was only when the mother of my son told me at 30 that you dont put red wine in the fridge:shrug::D

Once again, Poppy is lost.. eek. :D:shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug:

room temp JAY , white chilled :drool4::D

I can post you a map of the midlands pops :D

Blackadder is on GOLD at the mo , it,s the episode with MAD McMAD his scottish cousin :D

Joke
 

A man goes to the doctor and says.....

"Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm going deaf!"

The Doctor has a quick look at him and says loudly....

"Can you describe the symptoms?"

Man says....

"Yes, Homer's fat and yellow and Marge has blue hair!!"

:D:D:D

OH MY GOD..... :shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::D

brill :D:D:D

dont know whats happened to my sig pic but since i was sent on gardening leave it,s went AWOL :shrug:

That's nearly as old as you:shrug::D:D

:shrug::shrug: THOUGHT IT WOULD APPEAL TO YOU SOMEHOW..:shrug::D

:smilie_re::getmecoat:.........:D

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Now i get the gardening bit.... Doh.! Stupid Poppy. :o:o:)

or even DOH:D

Check George's gardening thread Miss Poppy,very funny.:D:D

READ IT AGAIN pops , it's actually quite funny for me :D

Took me 30 years:D Me and my mates used to drink Thunderbirds some of my gigging days, Just found a pic of it under;

Bucket provided i hope .:D

That would come out of our takings at the time. The reason we were drinking that stuff at the time. See what I did there. Not to be the first to put a swear word in this Thread.
Bowl Licks:D

Jay, whilst I get "See what I did there, Lee Evans." You are certainly one up on me in the strange sense of humour stakes.. eeek. pmsl. :shrug::shrug:;):D

can I be an honnory Scot Geoege ?

im tight enough lol - id skin a trump (he f words censored) for an halfpenny

After describing me as a tourist at your wedding NO YOU CANT .;):D

Tourist Tourist - I said you was an imigrant

Tractors !! Tractors !! Tractors !! (and diesel fumes)
 

Little Johnny was 2 years old when he got a little pedal tractor for Christmas. He instantly fell in love with it and ignored all his other gifts to spend every possible moment pedalling around the house in his wee tractor. When he was 3 his mum used to walk beside him to the shops and to the Mothers & Toddlers group as he pedalled his wee heart away in his tractor.

For his 4th birthday wee Johnny was awe struck, over the moon, when he woke up to see a battery powered mini tractor with hand operated bucket. This sealed Johnny's love affair with tractors and as he grew his passion for farms and tractors grew intense. As a teenager, Johnny's pals would be down the park playing football, or scouting the streets looking for talent, but Johnny was off on coach and rail journeys, to rural areas, just to spot tractors and farm machinery.

When Johnny left school he immediately got a job labouring on a farm. After a couple of years learning the basics of his trade he got his driving license, and started learning to operate the farm machinery, as well as driving the tractors. Well this was it. Johnny was becoming a farmer.

Johnny was still working away hard on the farm when, for his 21st birthday, his parents presented him with a brand spanking new John Deere tractor. He was ecstatic to say the least thinking all his dreams had come true.

One day Johnny was ploughing the bottom of a field, right next to a river. Johnny's ploughing gear turned up some large boulders overhanging the river bank. The undercut bank gave way sending the plough down into the river. Johnny's wagon lurched violently and was pulled down the bank into the river where it came to rest on it's side.

Johnny sustained a serious head injury in the fall and lay unconscious in his cab with the water lapping around his face.

Fortunately a passing car had witnessed the carnage and the occupants were quickly on the scene. They dragged Johnny's lifeless body from the cab and called the emergency services.

It took Johnny 6 months to recover from his injuries, and when full recuperated he was none the worse for his accident, other than one thing.

He now despised tractors. It became a phobic hatred against tractors. Quite understandable given his brush with death.

Years later Johnny was sitting in his local pub enjoying a quiet pint at the bar. The bar maid was complaining all the time of how smoky it was from people's cigarettes (pre smoking ban of course), and Johnny, having grown tired of hearing her moan about it exclaimed to the bar maid....

" What would you say if I told you I could clear this pub of smoke in a few seconds?"

The bar maid chortled and replied....

"That would be something else that would, eh!!"

Johnny quipped....

"Give me a free bar for the rest of the evening if I do it?"

The bar maid laughs and says...

"Aye right then, give it your best shot JOhnny!!"

Johnny walks over to the pub door, looks back round to the smoky lounge and takes a great big deep breath. Half the smoke lingering in the pub air suddenly disappears into Johnny's lungs. He opened the pub door and exhaled the lot outside. He repeated this and blew away the rest of the smoke to the utter astonishment and congratulations from everyone.

After a good few jars things are quietening down and the bar maid sides over to Johnny and asks...

"Johny, that was amazing tonight, how did you do that though?"


Johnny replied...

"Easy, I'm an Ex-Tractor Fan !!!


:D:D:D:D:D

Immigrant.? Is that anything that is not English....:shrug::shrug::shrug::getmecoat:

oh dear :getmecoat:

That is truly dire ;).

tell me you dragged and pasted that because it must have taken ages to write :shrug::D

yes poppy - round here an imigrant is some one from outside the village

HERONS dont migrate pops :D

http://i1019.photobucket.com/albums/...nson/27088.jpg:D:D

Are lesbian dolls catered for in this thread? I would expect so....

http://i907.photobucket.com/albums/a...eLaw/a1212.jpg

Don't their faces look real, eh?? You would, wouldn't you!!

Well what with my gardening and other exertions today i'm knackered , so its off to kip for me .:grouphug::bed::rofl::getmecoat:

no room for him here - there are 38 houses inthe village on one side of the only street

Why not ...... George does ...... and, boy, does he need the practice. :getmecoat:

Oh, you mean RAB.....http://media5.picsearch.com/is?FwYucRIvtpG9DWeKfbwmKAqNed0zI4qKnqjuPxt5U4w


even this.....[IMG]httphttp://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/...oppy75/is1.jpg://http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/...oppy75/is1.jpg[/IMG]

I took much delight in listening to an experienced Scottish specialist paint sprayer at work earlier this year advising me on how to refurb my wheels.

One of the highlights was him telling me to " Gor and get ya h-wheel and fitch a bleeden tacky rag. H-what have I told yoo aboot kayping one orn yoo young man?"

The man himself

And et gors...en the ben. :D

Was that a Scottish spray painter from Newcastle then? :D:D:shrug:

And Now For Something Completely Different: It's QUIZ TIME:D

NO Prizes; NO looking at Google, Wikipedia etc.

1. In which TV programme did Mark McManus (Taggart) make his debut
2. His real name is Marion Robert Morrison. By what name is he better known
3. In what year did Kermit the Frog first appear on TV (it was pre-Muppet Show)
4. Who was the Beatles first drummer
5. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ is a song from which musical
6. Why is 15 April 1912 ‘A Night to Remember’
7. Nogbad The Bad was Arch Rival and uncle of who
8. What was the name of Tin Tin’s dog
9. In which year was the first Paddington Bear book published
10. What does James Bond (007) and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang have in common

Always has been. ;)

5. Carousel
6. Titanic sank
8. Snowie

2= John wayne
6 = titanic sank
8 = snowie
10= both written by A flemming

Just 'tech' yourself off, there's a good fellow. :p:

Correct so far

Correct so far

You came back from gardening leave far too soon. ;)

Oh aye. Mark McManus.

http://i907.photobucket.com/albums/a...aeLaw/a3a3.jpg

Ye cannae keep a gid man doon man.;)

YES right again:D:D

4. Pete Best
7. Noggin the Nog
9. 57/58 ?

Yes 4 & 7 Correct, I'll give you 9. Written in '57 published in '58:D

NOGGIN THE BLOOMING NOG.?:shrug: WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT THEN..... I demand to know why i have been shut out of this thread... Ageism,,grrr, :shrug::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

You not old enough to remember Noggin The Nog? You don't do quality literature then:shrug:

Obviously not..:shrug::shrug::shrug: Who is / was, Noggin the nog.?:shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::sh rug::shrug::confused:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noggin_the_Nog

Not old enough either....

and I knew No 4 was Pete something, just couldn't remember the surname

Philistine !! , you'l be telling me you've never heard of Ivor the Engine either ! , good old Oliver Postgate :D:D:D

I was about to put a question on 'Captain Pugwash' but the names of two of the crew might get me a ban from the forum (Seaman Staines and Master Bates). So i'll leave it there:(

Will post another quiz later (Friday night, getting busy at work now)

Hi Poppy,Noggin's on you tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTcStBUW2Ao

:shrug::shrug: ABOUT THE 2ND ONE, BUT THE 1ST WAS A TRAIN WITH A FAT CONTROLLER,,??? Yes...I have heard of just Oliver...:shrug::shrug:

Fat Controller was Thomas The Tank Engine not Ivor The Engine....

Urban myth , they were never actually called that , shame though , would haver made it more interesting ! :D

It was the magic roundabout when I was a kid. I'm sure it did something to me:D:D:D
http://i1096.photobucket.com/albums/...roundabout.jpg

KING OF THE NOGGS.? :shrug::shrug::shrug: Flipping heck.... Riveting....:getmecoat::getmecoat::getmecoat::shru g::D:D:D:D:D

Did you get excited when Zebedee said "time for bed"? :D:D

I'm stuck with the music from it going round in my head now !

Time for bed :D

Well, weren't they brothers then....:shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug:

I can do an impersonation of Ivor The Engine. I'll do it if and when I manage along to a meet. :D:D:D

Shhhheeee - aco Shhheeee - aco Shhheeee - aco !!!:drool4:

No, Ivor drank with Thomas's faither.;)

Did you know that women were banned form operating steam trains.

Yup, they didn't want them getting up the spout.:D:D:D

I thought it was Peeeesssshhhhh Ticku - Peeeesssshhhhh Ticku - Peeeesssshhhhh Ticku :D

Bring back Dylan the hippy Rabbit ! :D

Are you two on drugs....:shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug ::shrug::shrug::getmecoat::D

And Callamero.

http://i907.photobucket.com/albums/a.../callamero.jpg

How, are you not?:drool4::drool4::shrug::shrug::D:D

you are both missing the most important bit at the end Baaaaaaaaw Baaaaaaaaw! :getmecoat:

"It's an injustice"

Spot on.;);)

Also spot on. :D

Thats the first thing that went into my head:D
its only now when you look back at it, how psychodelic it was to those in the know.
Dylan was my favourite, with the guitar. Know I know why his eyes were half closed puff;):D

WHAT, A DUCK THING THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SHEEP.??/:shrug::shrug::shrug::D

Nooooooo , the duck thing sounded like a Spanish waiter , Ivor the endgine sounded like the sheep ! :D:D

Try watching Hubba Hubba Land with the Hoops when you're fulliet.

One early morning of a Columbian themed all night party, and we're sat watching The Hoobs, and this puppet policeman appears on the screen with a toy helicopter in the background, and proceeds to decalre himself as ... "the copper with the big chopper !!"

Well that was it. Buckled for hours.:D

Well actually, it was more "Phawwwwwwww Phawwwwwww" than "Bawwwwwww Bawwwwww"

Well, Ducks that go Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Dope smoking Rabbits and something called zebedooda that apparantly says time for bed...:shrug::shrug::shrug: Time for my bed now me thinks as my head is hurting now....:D:D:D:D:D:D Nite Nite all.... Crackpots....:D:D:D:D:D:D

I distinctly remember Baaaaaw Baaaaaw with a Welsh accent :D

Dylan. Magic roundabout;)
http://i1096.photobucket.com/albums/...y560/Dylon.jpg

Dylan was the man !!

Sleep tight Ang. Glad yer back.;)

Lol. I have done early mornings with the Hoobs, usually because I havent switched of the telly the night before, and and wakeing up with them in the background. Hubba ****** hubba:D:D.
How many kids programmes I have had to watch from one generation to another. The point is TIZWAS, magic roundabout had an adult theme hidden behind them so it was not a slog to watch them with the kids. Now days its painfull at best. :shrug::D:D